Creation and DNA make us unique in every way, thought and action, however, there are generalities in the communication of love that Dr. Gary Chapman has identified and he calls them the five love languages: Words of Affirmation, Quality Time, Receiving Gifts, Acts of Service and Physical Touch. Speculation here, but I'm thinking that a marriage counselor would find it difficult to find much humor in his clients woes, however he does inject some humor into the stories. Although not great literature, Dr. Chapman translates each of the languages to the layman using real life examples and a down-to-earth style.
Basically the premise of the book is that everyone has an emotional "love tank" and yes, like a gas tank, it is either full, empty or somewhere in between. Getting the love into the tank depends upon your love language and whether or not your partner speaks that language. Remember this works both ways if you want your relationship to be happy and healthy!
So for example, if spending quality time with your mate keeps you happy as a clam at high tide, but your mate speaks the words of affirmation language, you're probably swimming in different directions and not filling up any love tanks. In order to ride the same wave and keep a steady flow of love moving into the two tanks, each should learn the language of the other and practice it regularly.
The good doctor says that everyone has a primary love language and that your love tank fills more quickly to that language than to the others. If your love tank hits empty, your relationship could be in danger of ending. However, if you understand and practice your partner's love language you can keep their tank full forever. Discovering your and your partner's primary love language can be as easy as answering the short profiles provided at the end of the book. In order for the discovery to be meaningful however, you should then find ways to express that love language to your partner.
So, if you find that no matter how many times you compliment your wife's cooking or how great she looks in those jeans, she still seems unhappy or low on love fuel, perhaps you haven't figured out that she really just wants you to spend more quality time with her doing things you used to do together when you first met. What you are likely doing is expressing to her your primary love language of words of affirmation because you think that if it makes you feel happy, it must do the same for her. On the other hand, if she thinks that asking you to go fishing or to the movies together every weekend is the way to your love tank, maybe you should let her know that you'd rather hear her say that she is excited about and appreciates the great work you did on your latest home improvement project.
Ultimately, the book isn't a solution to every ailing marriage or relationship, but certainly any partnership can benefit from conscience efforts to make the other person feel happy and loved and if the book helps you find insight into the quickest path to expressing love in the way your partner finds most meaningful, then it was worth the read. Generally speaking, the book offers great advice for anyone interested in giving and receiving love in a happy, healthy relationship.
Pros:
- Examples of the love languages come from Dr. Chapman's own clients
- The concepts are easy to understand
- Profiles for husband and wife at the back of the book
- Christian slant (not that it is a con, I just wanted to mention it in case that isn't your style)
- Outdated ideas of modern relationships (Leave It to Beaver marriages are virtually over)
- Probably could have summarized each language in less words
~Sam Keen
Rating:
4 of 5 Stars
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